Letters to Andrew: You've Missed Too Much

Dear Andrew,

     Son, I praise God for all of the relationships and experiences you have made and had because of your season with Leukemia. However, I want you to know the truth about what we try so hard to keep you from seeing. It pierces our soul to watch you have to miss so much of your childhood. Today you are missing the first day of school. The first day of Junior High. A big 7th grader. You have already missed the 7th grade orientation night with your friends. Finding your locker. The stress, fear, and excitement of learning how to change classes on the big hall. You have already missed two "first day of school" and the entire third grade because of Leukemia. I see it in your eyes and hear it in your voice that you too are crushed. I know how much you love Leake Academy and being at school with your friends and teachers. You were barely 3 months old when we moved here to Madden, MS. It is truly the case that Leake Academy is your home. However, the most crushing part of all is that you will miss being on the big hall with all of your sisters. It is Julia's big Senior year. We have talked about this day all the years I have been teaching at Leake. The one year that you and your sisters would all be on the big hall together. When I patrol the breeze way in between classes and your 7th grade class walks through and are getting in everybody's way and holding up the line I will not see you walking in the middle of them all. The first time Coach Ray chews your class out at break and tells you that he does not have to feed you snack...you won't be there.

     You will also be missing yet another season of Leake Academy Football. Your first year to play real football on Thursday nights and to be on the sidelines Friday nights with the team as one who is also grinding it out on the practice field. You missed Alex's and William's senior year. Now, you'll miss Rocket's and Matt's. You will miss Coach Pickens and Ray arguing on the sideline and in the field house. "My Gosh!" "Would you just..." "Can we not..." and all your other favorite lines of the sideline show. And possibly your favorite of all time, you will miss pre-game and holding the door for boys as they leave our field house to go do battle on the field and when they return from the field to welcome them back home win or lose!
    I am so sorry that you have had to miss so much of the treasured joys of life. It is true that God's grace is sufficient and he has blessed you and us beyond measure through this trial.  But praising God doesn't mean denying reality. It doesn't mean suffering is any less or not real. In fact the opposite it is the case, the deeper the heartache the truer the joy he gives. He doesn't remove the fire but he strengthens you, helps you, and upholds you with his righteous right hand in the fire. He doesn't exempt you from affliction but keeps you from being truly crushed in the affliction.  Sometimes the absolute worse way that we can honor God is to act like the soul piercing affliction we are experiencing through the heartache and trial is anything less that utterly soul threatening and destroying if it wasn't for the wonderful and matchless grace of Jesus. I do not have the words to express to you just how much your momma is going to miss taking the last first day of school picture with all four of you in school together.  I too am going to miss you deeply in the hallway. But I will still see you. I will see you in the faces of all your friends and all of your heroes.

Love,
Daddy